🏎 Max Finds A Bedazzled Limo

GM. It’s FriYAY.

To celebrate the impending weekend, we are switching it up a bit today dear readers.

Today’s car is bold, and the amount of time and money it took to create will shake you to your core.

It is such a statement piece that Trip Advisor has a section specifically around where you can find it.

And no, its not officially for sale, but everyone has their price.

Without further adieu…

A 1990-something BEDAZZLED Lincoln Towncar Limo

• 🌏️ Driven around the world: ???

• 🎼 Song to Get the Vibes Right: SPARKLE

  • I suspect this some plays from the heavens every time this car comes down the street.

• 🏇 Can beat 210 (maybe?) horses in a fight

• 💰️ Predicted Price: However much 2 Lincoln Towncars and a shitload of marbles costs

• 📆 Auction Ends: N/A, one of you needs to hunt down the owner and put a hard cash offer in.

Today’s Edition is brought to you by Based Supplements

This product of human ingenuity, boredom, and vanity was spotted by one of our dear readers in the great city of Louisville, Kentucky: home of horses, whisky, and obscene custom luxury automobiles (apparently).

Rather than do what we normally do - talk about what makes this car cool (what makes it cool not exactly hard to spot) - there are a couple things I want to figure out about this thing…

1. How much heavier is this Towncar because of all those… bedazzles? What’s the word for a singular piece of a bedazzled object? One bedazzle? Let’s stick with that

2. How long did it take to bedazzle?

HOW MUCH HEAVIER IS THIS TOWNCAR?

than, let’s say, a normal Towncar Limo.

All those bedazzles have to add up, right??

To figure this out, I’m gonna have to dust off the old math degree and get cooking.

Also, I’ve been looking for more excuses to use that sick image measuring tool I found when measuring Monday’s Autozam windows.

LETS GET INTO IT:

We need to know what the surface area of the car is before we can start to measure how many of these glass beads were actually used here.

To do this, first we have to figure out just how long this thing really is.

A standard Lincoln Towncar is 219 inches long, which means the front door is about 46.5 inches.

Assuming our Limo’s door is the same length (or close at least)…

SO, the Limo Towncar is about 310 inches in length. AKA 26 magnificent feet.

Now, we have a little dilemma.

We know the height and width of the Towncar because its going to be the same as the stock car.

What we don’t know is how much surface area to subtract given things like the angles of the car’s silhouette and its windows…

Because I love you, dear readers, I went through and calculated the surface area of all the windows.

Its 5969 (nice) square inches, so 39.5 ft² that we can subtract from the total surface area of the car.

Because I don’t love you THAT MUCH, dear readers, I am going to choose to ignore any further details about the shape of the car and how that will affect our numbers here.

So, we have:

Length = 310in / 26ft

Width = 76.7in / 6.4ft

Height = 56in / 4.6ft

So 630ft² is our surface area. This limo has the square footage of my first apartment. Crazy.

Minus the 39.5 from before, the total surface area of the car covered by bedazzles is… 590.5ft².

NOW,

we have two big things to figure out…

• How big are those red marbles?

• How much do they weigh?

On the former, apparently normal marbles are 13mm in diameter, meaning they have a surface area of 132.7 mm², so 0.2in² & 0.00142ft².

NOW WE ARE REALLY IN THE WEEDS READERS.

That means we need 415,845 of these marbles to cover all 590.5 square feet of our car.

ONE marble, weighs about 3 grams (according to ol’ reliable Google).

So in marbles, we’ve added 1,237,535 grams (1237kg) of weight to the car.

converting to pounds….

THAT IS TWO THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND FIFTY (2750) POUNDS OF MARBLES.

OVER A TON OF MARBLES.

THAT’S NOT EVEN COUNTING WHATEVER IS KEEPING THE MARBLES STUCK TO THE CAR!

Okay now going down a weird google rabbit hole of what substances are used to stick marbles to things…

It seems like, according to the “Empress of Dirt (???)” silicon flashing/caulk is a good substance. Let’s guess a quarter of an inch of that stuff was applied to the whole car.

That means we have 12.29ft³ of caulk we gotta apply to this thing.

Skipping over math details because I’m sure that is getting old af…

That is another 768 pounds of CAULK just to stick the damn beads to the car.

For a total added weight of 3518 pounds (1595kg).

That is MORE THAN MY ENTIRE CAR in caulk and marbles on this limo.

NOT TO MENTION THE COST.

10oz of caulk is like $10. So that’s $11,791 in caulk on the outside of this car.

These marbles are $28 for a 5 pound bag, so $15,400 in MARBLES.

This has to be one of the most expensive (purely aesthetic) car modifications of all time.

Absolutely insane. PLUS they street park this thing! If someone realizes there’s $16k in marbles just sitting on the side of the road, this limo will be stripped bare in no time.

If one of you does it, just slide me a 10% finders fee.

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO BEDAZZLE?

Okay I’m going to stick with pure guesswork on this one people.

I THINK I could stick one marble on this car every 4 seconds, on average.

That means it would take over 460 HOURS to apply every marble to this car.

10 weeks of a normal 9-5 job.

For marbles.

For division of labor purposes, I’m going to let you all do the caulk part of the job.

How fast do you think you can get that done?

Let me know in the review poll below!

And remember…

MaxFindsCars.com is not, technically, free! By subscribing, dear reader, you have agreed to tell your friends about it.

In fact, I believe the contract specifically stated you had to each subscribe 100 of your closest friends, colleagues, enemies, exes, priests, pets, & sugar mommas. I’ll have to check the fine print to be sure, but you all may as well get started spreading the word in the meantime.

That's a wrap for today. New Editions come out every Monday and Friday! While you wait, go out and drive! And if you want more, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)

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