Max Finds the Most Boring Looking Car In the World

Gm. Here we are at car #2. Before you read on I need you to promise you won’t stop reading just because of what this car looks like…

In return I’ll promise this newsletter is not going to exclusively be about old Japanese-only imports!

Deal? Okay cool.

Here we go: A 1997 Toyota Century

• 🌎️ Driven around Earth: 5.9x

• 🐴 Can beat 276 horses in a tug of war

  • Brief aside, you might be like “Max that’s weird both cars so far have been the same year and have the same HP.” This power number was probably undersold, and in fact a result of the Japanese Gentleman’s Agreement!

• 🤑 Predicted Price: $21,197

• 📆 Auction Ends: Tuesday, March 7th

  • I’m writing this on on Sunday and it’ll be in your inbox Wednesday, so we will see if I am WAY off on price predictions.

YOU PROMISED YOU’D READ ON AFTER SEEING THE PICTURES. 

Just trust me, this thing is sick.

What Makes a Century So Cool?

Well, unsurprisingly, its mostly on the inside.

This Century…

• is basically a Japanese ROLLS ROYCE

• has more amenities than a PLANE SEAT IN FIRST CLASS

• is a POKEMON CAR???

Okay bullet points 2 and 3 are basically the same, and you’ll see why, but why do I say the Century is a Japanese Rolls Royce?

To paint this picture, let’s go back in time to 1967…

Okay brief skit, we’re in some board room, WAIT no sorry okay the Japanese Emperor would make you come to him. So, we are in the Imperial Palace. You play an official from Toyota, I play the emperor.

Me: “I want a luxury sedan.”

You: “Ok.”

Me: “Make it the best car in the world.”

You: “Ok.”

AND JUST LIKE THAT THE TOYOTA CENTURY WAS BORN. And every year since 1967, the Century has been made to the specifications requested by the Japanese Royal family.

So, this is the car of an emperor. IMO that’s what every luxury car aspires to be.

But what amenities does an emperor’s car have?

Like I said before, this thing has more amenities than a plane seat in first class. 

“No way!” You say, as a flight attendant hands you your 17 year scotch and you give the peasants in basic economy a disdainful and distrustful stare.

Well… okay, what does a first class plane ticket get you? A large, comfortable seat with extra leg room, dedicated storage space, elitist dopamine hit, and a TV in most cases. And YES I am ignoring things like free food and drinks because they don’t help my argument.

What do you get in this 2nd gen Century?

• The ability to completely recline with this SICK passenger seat pass-through:

• A SECRET TAPE RECORDER (easily engaged via the rear seat center arm rest) for when you are trying to catch the rival business magnate sitting next to you admitting to something illegal:

• SIX-WAY ELECTRONICALLY ADJUSTABLE REAR SEATS, that I might add are HEATED, AND MASSAGING.

Bet you thought I forgot about the TV you get in first class, huh? Well…

• YOU GET A GODDAMN TV AND DEDICATED, CENTURY BRANDED, REMOTE:

Do I know how you would actually watch something on it? Not in the slightest. But there’s probably a way to get the Avengers playing on that thing. That’s a problem for you to solve after you buy it. When you figure it out, let me know!

There are plenty more interesting bits to this interior, and the car in general, but I don’t want to dance too much on your first-class grave.

Let’s instead get on to the main event, folks.

See that badge? If you had a good childhood it should look familiar…

The Century’s Emblem is a Japanese Phoenix, otherwise known as a Hōō, which is pronounced Ho-oh (ya know… probably). I’m pretty sure this is the only car that uses an actual Pokemon for its branding (thus owning one is like the ultimate flex on nerdy millennials). Driving one around should spawn Ho-Oh’s in Pokemon Go.

Plus, in Japanese Mythology, the Hōō is a being of peace. Peace such that when the Hōō flys the wind stops, dust settles, and all goes quiet. It is considered a great omen to see a Hōō.

So, do you want a car that literally has a legendary Pokemon in the grill?

Do you want to be a good omen for anyone who sees you driving around in your Century?

Do you want to have luxury up to the standards of emperors and business magnates?

Do you want all of these things for the low low price of $20k?

BUY. THIS. CAR.

That's a wrap for today. See ya next time! In the meantime, go out and drive! And if you want more, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)

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