🏎️ Max Finds A Famously Dangerous Dodge

GM! Today’s email will have WAY less math than the last one, I promise.

Monday’s are not for math.

They are for American supercars that have zero safety features whatsoever.

Instead of a standard key, to start this car you must have a legal will & testament on your person.

HERE IT IS: A 1996 DODGE VIPER

• 🌏️ Driven around the world: 1.2x

• 🎼 Song to Get the Vibes Right: Danger Zone

• 🏇 Can beat 450 horses in a fight

• 💰️ Predicted Price: $67,800

• 📆 Auction Ends: Saturday, June 17th, 2023

Today’s Edition is brought to you by eBay Motors

What Makes The Viper So Cool?

• It has a V10 ENGINE DESIGNED BY LAMBORGHINI

• Its only safety feature is FEAR OF DYING

• It had its own TV show??

It has a V10 ENGINE DESIGNED BY LAMBORGHINI

And gang, it sounds damn magnificent.

“How tf did Dodge/Chrysler get their hands on a Lamborghini V10 for a production car”, you ask?

GREAT question. I wondered the same thing, especially given this ugly ass thing was the most recent Dodge Charger at the time the Viper was being designed:

That horrible horrible Charger is probably not a car a company like Lamborghini would want to even be tangentially associated with…

Turns out, Lambo didn’t really have a choice! Chrysler (Dodge’s parent company) literally OWNED LAMBORGHINI at the time.

This might be surprising, but is slightly less so when you realize Lambo’s ownership history is ALL OVER THE PLACE.

We will dig into it in more depth another time, but basically Lambo went from founder owned, to Swiss dude owned, then had a cup of tea in bankruptcy before going back into the hands of some Swiss guys until Chrysler bought Lambo in 1986.

(Brief aside) nowadays Lamborghini has Volkswagen as its overseer, and to me it seems like we are starting to see their design queues sneak downwards into Audi.

So yeah, ALL that to say, Chrysler had the folks at Lambo put together this MASSIVE 8 liter V10 for the Viper.

And.. 8 liters for an engine is insane, ESPECIALLY by today’s standards where the name of the game is smaller, more efficient engines using things like turbochargers or superchargers to compensate for the lower engine displacement.

(Another) Brief aside, wtf is engine displacement? 

All it is is the amount of air that is displaced by the pistons as they move through the cylinder.

THE BEST WAY to visualize this, in my humbly correct opinion, is with Coca-Cola 2 liters bottles. Not the 20oz bottle, the big chungus ones you’d get at the bowling alley for a dollar to wash down the worst pizza ever.

Going off the rails again: SOMEHOW no bowling alley has figured out how to make a good pizza, and all of it is bad in the EXACT SAME WAY. It’s uncanny. If anyone knows if there’s some George Foreman inspired, shitty pizza oven company that exclusively sells to bowling alleys, please enlighten me.

Where were we??

OH! Yeah, 2 Liter Coca-Cola.

This Viper displaces 4 of those bad boys. A modern Corolla only displaces ONE.

And an engine that can displace more Coca-Cola is an engine that can also move more air. Moving more air means you can burn more fuel, which means you can create bigger explosions in your cylinders that generate MO POWAH baby.

Its Only Safety Feature is FEAR OF DYING

To a certain extent, that is the case with any car…

But let me paint a little picture of just how unsafe the Viper is (on paper):

• The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has 3 running safety complaints regarding the ‘structure’ of the Viper.

• Kelly Blue Book lists its ‘safety technology’, the list is only four words long:

  • Driver Airbag

  • Passenger Airbag

Comparably, a Corolla has a safety technology description of 115 words.

The Viper also lacks side airbags, traction control, anti lock brakes, stability control, has a tight cabin know for causing additional injuries during accidents, and does ALL OF THIS while having that big ass V10 engine that makes crazy power.

For the stupid and unlucky, that is the cocktail that can cause some damage.

But the reality is this:

The Viper is designed to do one thing, and that’s to go fast.

All that hoity toity safety crap just adds weight, and weight makes car slow.

BUT, I have a little MaxFindsCars hack for you all.

I’ve learned this from years of riding motorcycles and now daily driving a car that has even less safety features than the famously dangerous Viper (don’t tell my wife).

All you have to do is drive scared! Get that baseline terror level up!

If you get in it one day and your heart rate isn’t a bit elevated, take an Uber. That’s the day that you’re getting too confident, and treating it like any other car.

Don’t drive it on those days, and you’ll be fine.

Simple!

It had its Own TV Show??

YUP. And its AWESOME.

In previous newsletters, we’ve talked about cars that have been FEATURED in movies, shows, etc… that alone is cool.

BUT THIS might be the only car that has an entire series dedicated to & named after it!

The series was literally named “Viper” and this was the trailer…

Its like if you combined the James Bond with Transformers. Sick.

The Viper can morph into a bullet proof car that shoots MISSILES. Can your neighbors Corvette do that?

Oh, and one last thing:

The Viper comes with a built in skillet. All you have to do is rev the engine a bunch, and the side exit exhausts (that go right under the doors) will make your door sills hot enough to cook a lil breakfast on.

I doubt there’s another car in this world for less than $100k that can transform into a crime fighting super machine, cook you breakfast, AND has (basically) a Lamborghini engine.

So… yeah, BUY IT.

And remember…

MaxFindsCars.com is not, technically, free! By subscribing, dear reader, you have agreed to tell your friends about it.

In fact, I believe the contract specifically stated you had to each subscribe 100 of your closest friends, colleagues, enemies, exes, priests, pets, & sugar mommas. I’ll have to check the fine print to be sure, but you all may as well get started spreading the word in the meantime.

That's a wrap for today. New Editions come out every Monday and Friday! While you wait, go out and drive! And if you want more, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)

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