🏎️ Max Finds Smallest Car Ever Used For People Smugglin'

Gm & happy Monday! A lot has changed in the world since last episode. Banks are crumbling, and we (dearest readers) need to start considering the possibility that we simply won’t have the gas money or space to be buying irresponsible vehicles like Friday’s Jeep Comanche.

Mayhaps we need something small,

fuel efficient,

and with a proven track record of smuggling human beings.

I think you’ll be a little surprised by this one…

A 1958 BMW Isetta 300

• 🌏️ Driven around the world: 1.5x

• 🏇 Can go 0-60 in a blazing 27.7 seconds

• 💰️ Predicted Price: $42,793

• 📆 Auction Ends: Friday, March 17th, 2023

Okay if I was you, I would probably look at those pictures and have two immediate questions, both quite reasonable!

The two questions:

• Max, where in GODS NAME IS THE DOOR?

• How the literal f*ck could anyone be SMUGGLED in a car that small???

It just so happens that I have the answers to these questions and they are also exactly what makes this BMW Isetta so cool. What an absolutely crazy coincidence!

ANSWER #1

THE DOOR IS THE WHOLE GODDAMN FRONT OF THE CAR

No I am not kidding. LOOK!

I know the next question rolling into your brain. Yes, I am basically an electronic mail psychic.

It’s “Well yeah that is pretty cool…”

I agree.

“…but what happens if you rear-end somebody?”

FAIR!

These cars were pretty famously unsafe. So, if you survived the accident in the first place, by design you were meant to climb out of the canvas sunroof!

Surviving was far from guaranteed too. Literally the only thing between you and whatever you run into is a thin sheet of metal.

YOU are the crumple zone in an Isetta.

Frankly, ol’ Mr. Ralph Nader’s book ‘Unsafe at Any Speed’ (which was undoubtedly inspired by his years of reminding the teacher they forgot to collect the homework) should’ve focused on the Isetta rather than the Chevy Corvair.

The discerning amongst you (I’m hopeful but not confident) may be thinking that this car seems strikingly NOT BMW. It doesn’t have the famous kidney grille, it’s not a sports car or executive car, and it doesn’t even require a driver’s license to operate (which is quite anti-Ultimate Driving Machine imo).

Well discerning reader, you were on to something!

The Isetta WASN’T designed by BMW. It was designed and licensed for manufacturing by ITALIAN refrigerator and scooter company Iso.

Admittedly, refrigerators can be pretty safe in the right circumstances. And actually now that I’m thinking about it… IS THIS THE REASON WHY THE DOOR OPENS FROM THE FRONT??? Iso just couldn’t wrap its brain around non-refrigerator-inspired doors??

But, the disregard for safety makes a LOT more sense now that we taken into account the nation in which it was conceived is the same one where the famous Mille Miglia race killed 11 people and injured 20 more the year before this car was built.

ANSWER #2

THE ONE YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

What the hell did I mean when I said the Isetta has a history in human trafficking?

This is actually a pretty incredible story of human ingenuity and bravery… and before I go on I want to reiterate this was the GOOD type of people smuggling. All smuggled people below were consenting adults.

So, back in the 1940’s there was a bit of worldwide turmoil, you’ve probably heard of it.

Afterwards, from 1945 to 1989ish, Germany was split effectively into 2 halves (East and West). East Germany was controlled by the Soviet Union, and life for East Germans was generally characterized by suppression of freedoms, supply shortages, and state (Soviet) control.

West Germany, on the other hand, was democratic, promoted individual freedoms/entrepreneurship, and had things like universal healthcare.

The contrast was such that the Soviet’s built the Berlin Wall in 1961 to prevent the mass exodus of East Germans from Soviet control into West Germany.

Okay history lesson OVER. 

Now to the fun part.

SO, one year after the wall was built (1961+1=1962 (you’re welcome)), an East German named Manfred Koster and a West German named KG Jacobi got together to hatch a plan…

And before we continue YEAH I am abbreviating KG’s first name because it has one of those U’s with the dots over it and idk how to type that.

Anyways the plan was one of those plans where you’d feel the deep desire to say ‘that’s so crazy it might just work’. I had a similar one growing up when a friend and I found 15 bowling balls in a dumpster, covered them in lighter fluid, lit them on fire and rolled them down a hilly back road. Still don’t know why anyone would throw away 15 bowling balls.

So basically KG started digging into his Isetta’s innards and just removing everything possible.

He chucked the spare tire, air cleaner, gas tank, and a few other things. He then cut a secret hatch behind the driver’s seat, re-routed some shit that would burn the smugglee, and replaced the aforementioned 3.5 gallon gas tank with a tiny 2 quart one.

All of this to hide a single human being IN THE ENGINE BAY of the Isetta, a car SO SMALL no Soviet Officer would ever suspect it of being able to smuggle folks.

In the end, Koster and 9 other people were successfully smuggled in the belly of the little Isetta.

This full story is totally worth the read, if you want to get your info from someone boring who understands grammar or whatever.

We’ve barely talked about the Isetta that is actually for sale…

But I think this is one of those rare cars that is unique in design, history, and engineering all at once. It almost doesn’t matter which specific Isetta you buy, just owning a piece of history this cool is WAY more important than buying one that is good, or reliable, or whatever you normies care about in your automobiles.

So… someone buy this one.

And please don’t use this information to smuggle anyone in it that does not want to be smuggled.

That's a wrap for today. New Editions come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday! While you wait, go out and drive! And if you want more, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)

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