🏎️ The Million Dollar Unsubscribe

Author

Max Zintel
April 01, 2025

You’re here to find out how to make a million bucks as a MaxFindsCars subscriber, right? Good. All in due time. But first, an intro…

Alright folks, here's the deal: I am a normal dude, but also a business man, a mogul, an entrepreneur, a damn magnate. You might be thinking "Max, MaxFindsCars is way too small to call yourself a magnate," but as the wise sage Austin Powers once said: "It's not the size baby, its how you use it." As such, when I see the crazy hoops you have to jump through to unsubscribe from places like Planet Fitness, SiriusXM, or the NYT, I simultaneously think 2 thoughts.

The first: "These are parasitic, low morality business practices that should be illegal, & these companies should be ashamed of themselves."

The second: "How can I profit off of this idea for MaxFindsCars?"

So, to all the difficult-to-unsubscribe-from companies out there, know this: I've officially upped the ante.

The Million Dollar Unsubscribe is here, and its exactly what it sounds like.

Here's how it works:

  • Subscribe to MaxFindsCars (the easiest way to find rare cars on the internet)

  • Use your prodigious math chops to solve any one of the 6 unsolved math problems listed on this site: https://www.claymath.org/millennium-problems/

  • Submit your answer to the Clay Math Institute

  • Wait for them to review your genius

  • Email me (and cc the nice people at CMI) when they've accepted your solution.

  • You receive (second Austin Powers reference of the day) "one MILLION dollars".

  • I will unsubscribe you from MaxFindsCars (if you want)

Now… okay fine. At this point it's important for me to note that in no way am I or MaxFindsCars giving you the million bucks. It would be straight from the Clay Mathematics Institute who, in the year 2000, supplied a fund of $7 million for 7 unsolved math problems. Each one, if solved, would win the solver $1 mil. I'm not sure what makes these math problems so valuable as I am a simple, block-headed business man.

And granted, there's probably a REASON that these math problems remain unsolved and that CMI put a bounty on them that would make Agent 47 salivate.

But, I believe in you, dear reader. And, at the end of the day, at least with MaxFindsCars if you can jump through all of the hoops to unsubscribe you GET something out of the deal. $2/mo for a service (there's a free option too) that if you don't like it, are the Michael Jordan of math, and want to unsubscribe, will earn you ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Or ya know, you can also just unsubscribe with 2 clicks, no questions asked, on the MaxFindsCars account management page. That's less fun than a million bucks though.

Your move, Planet Fitness.
Max

P.S. this is satire & I am in no way affiliated with the Clay Mathematics Institute, nor can I speak to their ability, desire, etc to actually pay the bounties they list on their site. My hatred of Planet Fitness is not satire.

P.S.S. if you do solve one of their problems and get paid I will happily accept a 10% finders fee.

P.S.S.S. MaxFindsCars is the easiest, free-est way to find rare cars online, you should subscribe.

P.S.S.S.S Happy April Fool’s Day, dear readers.

And remember…

MaxFindsCars.com is not, technically, free! By subscribing, dear reader, you have agreed to tell your friends about it.

In fact, I believe the contract specifically stated you had to each subscribe 100 of your closest friends, colleagues, enemies, exes, priests, pets, & sugar mommas. I’ll have to check the fine print to be sure, but you all may as well get started spreading the word in the meantime.

That's a wrap for today. And if you want more MaxFindsCars, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)